Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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