Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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