i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
