No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
