It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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