can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
