If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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