why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
