Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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