his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
