this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Randomize
