I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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