1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They have beer where we have blood.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
