I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
