Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
