At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
