things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
