When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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