xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
