there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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