You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
