I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
