Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
