OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
