but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
