i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
