We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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