I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
