I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
