They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize