after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
