Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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