Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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