So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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