fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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