I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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