The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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