He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
