if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I need a beard to bite.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize