Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
