I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
