I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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