i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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