he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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