Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize