last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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