Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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