What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
