Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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