Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
