i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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