I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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