I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
