dude i'm inner monologue high
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
