dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
