I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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