I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
