so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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