I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Never underestimate the power of titties
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