bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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