one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
