The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
