Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
