My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize